Uber Medic a Huge Success!

Uber yesterday launched its new service, Uber Medic.

Now, instead of calling for an ambulance, people In need of care can simply request an emergency response from a qualified EMT or Medic via the Uber App.

Uber offer patients lower fees than regular ambulance providers, while also being able to pay care providers a higher salary than regular EMS employers.

Luke Atmadik, a spokesperson from Uber Medic, said that the new service is expected to completely replace traditional EMS services within 5 years.

“Our Emergency Medical Technicians and Paramedics can respond to emergencies in their private vehicles, on bicycles or even on foot within a certain radius” Said Mr Atmadik.

“We require all our responders to hold current NREMT registration, and our system automatically dispatches the two closest responders to a request for help, which guarantees a rapid response time and fulfills safety requirements for a 2-person response to each Incident.”

“We understand that there are some concerns around the security and safety of our responders when attending these requests for help, which is why we’ll also be launching Uber Cops within the next 6 months” says Mr Atmadik, “A responder from Uber Cops will be automatically sent to suspicious sounding requests or at the request of an Uber Medic responder.”

Dixon Balls, an EMT working with Uber Medic told us that he’s thrilled with the new system.

“The renumeration is much better than standard EMS work”, Mr Balls said, “I get a decent pay check, and more freedom to decide what hours I work.”

“I can even pick up a few standard uber passengers while I’m on standby, which is really no different to EMS.”

Uber Medic co-ordinator, Sandy Vargyna, says that within the next 6 months Uber Medic will also be able to transport patients to hospital.

“Currently, when our responders arrive, if the patient requires transport in a stretchered vehicle, then we have to rely on traditional EMS services to transport our patients to hospital. That will soon change with the launch of Uber Beds.” Mrs Vargyna said. “Our Uber Medic responders will be able to call upon Uber Beds whenever they need a traditional ambulance to transport their patients. Uber Beds contractors will be required to purchase an ambulance vehicle to sign up as an Uber Beds Driver.”

“Once they sign up, they can begin providing transport both as a traditional Uber, to our ride-share customers, and also to our Uber Medic Clients”

It is understood the company also has plans to launch an Aeromedical Service within the next year.

**This article is purely satire and any relation or reference to real people is purely accidental or coincidental.**

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