A Californian EMS agency is being praised for its work in establishing a VIP Loyalty Card to be given to their frequently-seen patients.
“These frequent patients represent our core customer base,” said Ivanna Fucqu, the Agencies Manager, “Airlines have loyalty programs for their frequent flyers, and we thought it’s about time we do too.”
“Without these patients our crews would simply have too much time on their hands and we would go out of business”
“They are also a really profitable customer base as they really require any actual treatment, we are just their preferred transportation option to get to the hospital.”
The cards, pictured below, will allow the agencies EMTs and Paramedics to scan their barcode and see their history from previous transports.
“When a VIP patient calls our service, they will receive extra care and luxuries to make their trip to hospital more comfortable.”
These luxuries will include a complimentary snack and choice of soft drink.
“While we can’t allow the consumption of alcohol in our ambulances, we will compensate that with happy gas for our VIP customers.”
*This Article is Purely Satire*
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